I thought I am healing but, I am not.

I am not okay.

For the very reason that my parents have to pay for my tuition and I think I am the only one who failed in an online class. I’m so dumb.

I wanna hurt myself for failing but I just couldn’t do it. I’m already a broken human being. I felt like I lost my will to live.


The anxiety is creeping me out about the scholarship, if there’s still chance that they can grant it.



I’m so stupid to not understand the lessons. I am so dumb. I feel so small everyday just thinking how much I failed myself. I dont know, I just felt so useless in my everyday life. I thought I am making a small progress but the truth is, I am avoiding it.

I am avoiding it as much as possible, as much as I can. I overslept, not doing anything but lie in my bed.

I am retaking my course and my professor told us that learning in an online is very easy that it is impossible to fail. I don’t know what to felt with what she said. She knows it is a summer class yet she boldly told that without thinking of everyone. One thing that I really did not like to what she said was only lazy student will fail in online class.



It hurts. It definitely pierced my heart. However, I know from the very beginning that I really did my best studying that calculus. I just don’t understand the concept and heaven knows how much sleepless nights I had just to study. I was always starstrucked with every lesson. I have to learn it in one day because the other day the topic will change. I really did my best so why one has the audacity to judge us. But, the fact that I think I’m the only one failed, I felt so stupid and dumb. I think I could have done better.



I was slapped through her words. I know, no one asked but I just want to justify. Please be careful with whatever your tongue holds.



I am not okay but I’m hoping.

I don’t know when will I be okay but I’m hoping.

Please, help me.