It has been a month, but days has been excruciatingly painful and crazy.

I have never felt this feeling before, the feeling of sinking into an unknown darkness. It was like a black hole was sucking my poor soul, my body, my mind and devouring everything about me. As if I am the most precious thing in the world they could not wait but hold me. It was not the nothingness and emptiness of life that I have been thrown away. It was in the depths of no one knows where.

One moment, they could take away my breath and I will find myself running and holding for it. Slamming my chest violently as I can. Whenever, I could not do anything as my hands and my body were being numb, I would just sit and close my eyes or trying to film myself so that I would be conscious about seeing how helpless I was. As much as I could, I would try to calm myself, my freaking mind as it was the culprit of all this.

The mind, the culprit! The killer of the body and soul. The manipulative, and my enemy among the rest.

I know, I was able to write because of ‘the mind’, but it could also destroy so many things out of you, us. Over anything ‘the mind’ has the power over you, me, and us. I could not disagree because the mind has controlled me so many times and it made me this confuse about who am I really?

It has overthrown me into my own pits of hell. Making me walk onto my thoughts like a shattered glasses. I knew, I have to escape from this because it would be an extremely tormenting. First step, was a torture, seeing my blood seeping out of my feet. My initial reaction was to run away, but I could not see any door nor an exit. Looking at those scattered glass on the floor, I could not just step or walk on it. I was helpless, my blood was flowing on the floor, little by little. Worst, I did not know how to remove that glass on my feet. It was stuck! I could not do anything but endure the nerve-racking pain on my own.

Until I was unable to stand and walk. I was out of my mind, I have nothing else to do but stay on that situation.

“He-lp.”

It was almost nothing. I was voiceless and thought I would die any moment.

I was really trying not to move as the pain will sting, but then my body was losing its own as the blood continued to flow. I lost my balance and one moment, my hands were on the floor. The broken glasses in my front were punctured on my tiny palms.

I screamed in pain as these things had penetrated in my hands. Tears had flown on my face. I could hear my heart beating so loud. I was breathing heavily. I surely had damned myself.

I tried to raise my hands because the glasses were deeply piercing my palms because of the force I was putting. My blood on my hands were like rain, dropping on the floor, dripping and making a puddle. However, the glasses on my feet were also deeply penetrating my feet.

Whatever I would do, there was no way out from this pool of glass. I would only find myself bloodless if I did not do anything. I would surely be overwhelmed with my own blood, these scattered glasses of thoughts, and this jail of mine.

Yet, I am crawling out of my way, trying to pick every pieces of mine.

This was a lifetime dilemma; do nothing and die or, do whatever I can and die. But, only cease from my overwhelming thoughts.

BLOG #006